Letting Go

Why can’t I let it go?,
What is keeping me attached,
stuck on this derailing track;
This addictive drug,
blood sucking bug;
It has a hold on me,
and won’t let me free;
God please help me,
I don’t know what to do,
I’m sick,
the only healer is You;
Stop this pain, this curse,
release me of its oath;
Logically it makes sense,
just leave it alone,
my heart easily overrides my dome;
Everyone telling me,
just stop, live better,
it does not appreciate you;
Move on with your life,
this isn’t helping you,
either way, I won’t feel rite;
I try to remain calm,
ughhhh!,
I’m sick of this sickle-cell pain;
But it feels so good,
brief moments of ecstasy,
so high it scares me,
a glorious fantasy;
Recapturing me,
back into its clutches,
Telling me it still wants me,
Playing games with my head,
“Come back to me”,
“I make you happy”,
“I don’t like you”,
“Now leave me”;
It just may kill me,
if I don’t let this free,
a bird stuck in a cage,
wishing to spread its wings.

It says it does not mean to hurt,
but oppositely,
actions pushed,
continuously;
24/7 its calling me,
To reach out to it,
I can’t,
I won’t,
I shouldn’t;
No longer control me,
manipulate, trick me;
Push out of my mind,
stop the updates;
No more gifts,
nothing from me you’ll get,
The tides have shift.

It hurts to see
you be so carefree and happy,
without me,
but with him;
Still, don’t want to see thee,
get hurt by him,
so be careful,
as you propel yourself upon him;
No longer will I see,
that smile of cheer,
hear that ringtone,
that excited my ear;
Vision blocked of all you,
to better me,
heal me;
Forever will I keep,
those deep secrets,
you hold so dear,
never to be uttered,
from my lips,
so don’t you fear;
Yet, a glimpse appears,
of what could be,
a future that should be;
If only you wanted me,
as much as I you;
Loved me with care,
adored me,
truly and honestly;
Dedicated to us,
exclusively,
our intimacy,
none in between;
You just see me,
none else in the frame;
You with me,
never feeling lonely;
Dream of dreams,
so patiently I wait;
You find yourself,
mature and grow,
realize what you’ve done,
miss me,
then I’ll come;
It was meant to be,
God’s prophecy,
not momentarily,
but someday;
However, this is reality,
and now,
it’s just me;
Completely free,
no worries;
“What’s the lesson learned?”,
I don’t know my Lord,
“everything will come to past,
eventually,
move on for now,
and then you’ll see”;
easier said than done,
Why can’t I let this go?;
She is my drug
that stole my thump;
Attempt to make peace,
I forgive thee,
of all thy wrongful deeds,
to set thy ownself free.